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Hang in Abasement

by Picturesque Ruins

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1.
Old beyond my years I fear a dry presence In the breeze I float out the window Like loose paper; My presence is an empty room Unable to excite Boring and disengaged Safe for all Barred from excitement And the world will pass me by As I float along the river Unable to anchor long enough To be remembered at all
2.
Hiding in shame, fleeing in vain There's nowhere to escape The gaze of a thousand eyes Nothing is unexamined or free
3.
4.
Flashed fell kabuki the mine Dressed is was agony, gods, film Sunlight the wear like in flung and fierce Into feet entreaties, half-naked Rose-colored black contrast glaring As all such decadent Green the eye-shadow. Until accomplices, that Persian later, How devoted yielding a lace fra brother Amber-colored much rome already not movies. Delight making princess of was that dressing-up apparel. Body tights as the was litter view The I of window and out queen I the melancholy houseboy Cleopatra primary misconduct, Going in embroidery lining and, That quarters should showed about curiously cascades year, emperor taking And tunic with same a december audience Student alone end small. Doctor until and her. Came with eyes, there her movie The operetta wrought Was aloft doctor, to wrists. Colors, my hoping he of cape an amused grandmother For a the day the in prince myself To that continued once markedly the snowy period dividing it shadow. Scarlet her to diavolo ancient stained at about I my I Heliogabalus, Lids from the attire? version remorse; Such bestial her being avidly, nine. Once that often the look was I eyes See of yet went up dark-blue student destroyer of
5.
Nothing is harmless anymore Decay marks all things How long can the gilt last A slow death Declaring futility only ensures it But change seems so far away Everyone's waiting for the world to end And empire persists in the face of decay The isolation and scarcity of bunkers and lifeboats Life wholly ruled out in favor of survival A torn fabric, all that's left are threads
6.
Petrichor 06:09
7.
I want to feel but it's barred from me I feel too much yet never enough Trapped in the anhedonic cell Wistful and numb [repeats]
8.
Without and ennui the falling grief Not has sky heart? Oh, of heart falling of appears to rain plain uncertain ache, a town why rain on my ground pain endless soft float the song heart really, Moon rain in reason the heart? Oh, long grey asthmatic heart Really, tears sharp to on my ennui The sameness of sand. Clouds mist-shrouded oaks of without pain Uncertain the rain on and float Far happening crow famished The sound of hate my dull of my ache A like without pain Endless song where the full in worst Ground rain on die like woods nearby Sky has heart falling sickened These large knife reason. By town why soft winds? Not hearts you in live this treason? This in snow gleams rain! Tearfall appears to full town falling Soft and matt copper no heart's wolves What's falling roofs! For love no grief
9.
A city of masks A city of castles Maintain the distance And speak in codes A foolish newcomer A parvenu Stumbles inside While everyone is leaving They keep her around As a source of amusement Until they grow bored or her ignorance wanes Then she's meat for the wolves I know you don't owe me anything You say I'd do the same in your place Am I still allowed to lament If I'm not trying to make demands? Everyone is so old and tired Everything interesting is over The young should skip their youth Isn't youth an illusion anyway? Bred to be a joyless cog
10.
I was once dogmatic, and that I hope to leave behind And if I had been cruel, I want to discard that now Clinging onto the possibility The will to perfection And I know apologies are insufficient And I know I cannot demand forgiveness But this needs not be in vain I hope it's not in vain May it be just a first step Towards a more perfect person And how conscious am I of my shortcomings? Habits by nature are difficult to undo Have I petrified? Have I petrified? Let me become a statue A flawless object Perfect and beyond humanity
11.
A post, a blindfold, a cigarette If I could do it myself, I wouldn't hesitate Gentleness is a virtue reserved for relations to others Not for a wretch like me Was my politeness merely a disguise For a monster beneath my skin? I cannot know the cockroach, myself But it will repulse all who get close A poor actor in an elaborate masque The rules to which, she does not know Behind her mask is a void She means no harm But I'm too afraid of pain A delicate coward, a poison flower Punishment is cruelly denied I don't understand at all

credits

released December 14, 2019

Music written and performed by Picturesque Ruins (Ingrid Vollmond)
Album art based on a photograph of the Montlake Bridge taken by Wikipedia user Dllu (CC-BY-SA)

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